Damn you
by Warrior princess922
Summary: 'You owed me this, girl on fire. Now I'm gone and you're still breathing. Damn you.' Clove's thoughts on Katniss throughout the Games. Clove&Cato.


A/N: Hey everyone. This is the first Hunger Games fanfic that I actually finished. I know I haven't updated my stories in forever, but you know how it is. I got inspired by this movie and the book series and so here it is. It is basically Clove's thoughts on Katniss throughout the Games and I won't say anything else. I hope you enjoy and I'd appreciate your feedback!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything sadly. And Isabelle Fuhrman is way awesome.

English is not my first language.

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_Katniss. Katniss. Katniss._

I hear your stupid name echoing in my head all over. And over. And it makes me so sick I can't keep the best Capitol's food down.

_Katniss._ Who the hell do you think you are? Girl on fire. Twirling in that ugly dress, flames hugging your body.

_Who the hell do you think you are?_

You volunteered to save your sister. A girl from the poorest, weakest district had volunteered. Ever since that moment you've been in the center of attention. You and your stupid love story is all everyone is talking about. See, this is exactly what makes you all so weak. _Fucking feelings._ But I can see right through you and I know that even if your district partner actually loves you, I'm sure as hell you don't feel that way about him. You think you're so extraordinary? Because you volunteered? Because you saved that little girl? Because you played the star-crossed lovers card? _Like hell you are._ I plan on teaching you a lesson, in the most painful way.

We were supposed to outshine all the others. Cato and I. My district partner and I. Not you and that boy with a bread-like name. So stupid. You both are so stupid. You may have grasped everyone's attention, but I can tell you one thing; as soon as we step into the arena, all of this will not matter anymore. You will see who's powerful here. You will see who will be the one in the center of attention. You will see who will be the death of you. _You will see._

As if that little act you had pulled off in the interview wasn't enough, you go and get an 11 in the private session. Who the hell do you think you are? What in the world could you have done better than me? Did you do your little fire dance to impress them? Did you twirl with flames all over you? Did you try to seduce them like that stupid blonde bitch from 1, Glimmer? Who the hell do you think you are? I have trained my whole life for this. Ever since I was strong enough to hold a knife. What gives you the right to make them think you are better? Damn you, Katniss. Damn your sister. Damn your stupid lover. Damn you.

In 50 seconds I will show you what it's like to be the best. I'll show you who should have gotten an 11. I will show you what I am made of. I will give them a good show.

You start running, surprisingly, towards the Cornucopia. I thought you would storm off to hide in the forest. But you chose to get involved in the bloodbath. So be it. I find a backpack and go through it, as fast as I can, looking around.. looking for you, Katniss. Girl on fire. Damn you. And damn your stylist.

I lay my hands on knives. They're beautiful. I will make your death beautiful. I will make those Games memorable. I see a boy with an axe, hovering above somebody on the ground. He rises his weapon, about to give that person a death blow. _No,_ kid. Whoever it is, they're my kill. I throw a knife and it plugs itself in his back. As soon as he falls on the ground, dead, my eyes start shining hungrily.

Because it's _you,_ Katniss. You're about to meet a very sharp friend of mine. Say hello, girl on fire.

I throw another knife and damn you for being fast enough to cover your big head with the backpack you are holding onto for dear life. Now I know that there is nothing really special about you.

You are just goddamn _lucky._

You get up and start running off and I chase you, because I have to teach you a lesson. Oh you will be sorry. I hear Cato scream my name and I turn my head just in time to see a boy from 9, lunging at me with a sword. He misses, as I manage to get out of his way quickly. I reach for another knife, but before I make a single cut, the boy coughs up some blood and falls on the ground with a thud. I face Cato.

'Careful there, little girl.' He tells me with a smirk, pulling his sword out of the poor kid's back. Did I say poor?

No. I don't pity them. I am here to kill them. Yet something about the way he looked at me, as Cato's sword run him through, made me feel something. And I don't even know how to describe what I felt. Did you have the same look on your face when you thought the guy I had killed was going to end your life? Did he feel what I just did? Did he pity you before I threw my knife? I look around, Cato eying me with a smirk. No Katniss. Damn you, Clove. You let her get away.

'Move, Princess.' My partner orders, pulling at my arm. I glare at him. Damn that fine, arrogant ass of his and his pet names. But still, if I had any friends at all, it'd be him.

Do you have any friends, Katniss? Do you have any family beside your sister? If yes, then I will teach them a lesson, too, by taking you away from them. You showed us up. There will be hell to pay.

After a few days of dreaming about finding you, we finally do. And damn you and your skill to climb trees. You tease us, knowing there is no way out for you. You're trying to be brave and funny, but I know that inside you are freaking the shit out. Your stupid lover boy tells us to wait you out, but I know he is just buying you more time. What for? We all know this is it. Pain shoots through my body the next morning and I quickly realize I was mistaken. This isn't over, not even close. You sent tracker jackers' nest down and saved your stupid life yet again. Lover boy tells you to run. He's just as dead as you are already. Cato gives him a foretaste with his sword. And he does it beautifully.

At least you killed Glimmer. If there is one thing I don't completely hate you for, it's this. You disappear again and as hard as we try to find you, I know it won't happen too soon. But we are in no hurry. We have everything we need. Food. Weapons. Shelter. And we are the greatest danger in this arena. We have everything we need until somebody blows it up in million fucking pieces. And I just know it was you, Katniss. I underestimated you. I was stupid enough to think you'd only be hiding. But you actually have the guts to take action. It was smart. Clever. Damn you, Katniss.

I don't care that you're just trying to survive. I don't care that you are a brave, good human being and that you're only here because you wanted to save your little sister. I don't care that you see me as a monster. You're trying to survive, but guess what, girl on fire, so am I. So is Cato. Everyone seems to have forgotten that we are kids, too. That it wasn't our choice to become killers. Everyone seems to have forgotten who we should blame for all of this. Damn you, Katniss. You make me start thinking about this. You have me wonder and I actually start questioning everything. It was supposed to be easy for me. Emotionless. I was only supposed to play my part, I was supposed to be vicious and focused. Damn you. _You will be **sorry.**_

You lost your only ally, that little girl from 11. What are you going to do now? Look for the bread boy? You probably will. You know what makes me the most furious about you? That you are allowed to feel. Nobody denied you the right to love and care. You, people from 12, are better off. But nobody sees it that way. To all of you we are just vicious psychotics that enjoy killing and blood. Well, you are fucking wrong. You're better off, Katniss. Even now. You're fucking better off. You can die and you'll be remembered as the brave girl who sacrificed her own life for her sister and fell in love with her partner in the arena. Because nobody will question whether you're actually in love or just playing. It's nothing extraordinary back where you come from. Where as in my district, very much so.

Damn you for having me feel. Damn you for making me pity all those kids in the arena. Damn you for making me regret that I killed people. Damn you for making me realize that I am scared, that I can feel, that I care.

Cato is the only one that has my back now. But I will have to kill him. If I want to win, that is.. do I? Of course I do. I sure do. But I hope you end up killing him first. Just so when it comes down to you and me, I can take my sweet time, punishing you for taking his life away. But deep inside I would be thankful. For sparing me from doing it myself. Because if there was anyone that I care for, it would be Cato.

Would you kill your lover if it came down to the two of you? Not that that's even possible, but.. would you, Katniss? Hell, for all you know, you may be just as big of a monster on the inside as I am. When it comes to surviving, people are capable of pretty much anything. You know that, don't you? I know you do. And I know it scares you.

The announcement we hear that night changes everything and unfortunately, it doesn't help me at all to go back to how I used to be before you messed with my head. Before you sacrificed yourself for your sister. Before you and Peeta became star-crossed lovers. Before you allied with that little girl from 11 and gave her a beautiful funeral. Damn you, Katniss.

Cato's face says it all when Claudius is done announcing. He wants us both to win. His eyes light up in a way I had never seen before and he smiles. It's not one of his arrogant, cocky smirks. He gives me a real smile. For a second he makes me think he will do something totally unacceptable like.. try to give me a hug. He doesn't, though. _Damn him.._

'We'll get out together, little girl.' He says and if I didn't know that his voice never sounds soft, I'd say it just did. And for the hell's sake, I don't know what makes me smile genuinely back at him... but I do. Damn you, Katniss.

From now on, Cato watches me sleep and looks out for me even more than before. Have you started affecting him the way you have been poisoning my mind, girl on fire? Or is it just the announcement that has him act this way? Does he really think we have a shot at getting out together? Do you think you and Lover boy can both win? You're delusional. I know better. They will never allow two victors. I am more than certain they won't. Cato must know it, too. Why is he acting like we can get a happy ending? We never will. And even if we did get it, it would not be a happy ending, when twenty two other innocent kids died, most of them by our hands. Did I just say innocent? Damn you, Katniss.

They announce the feast and for the first time in a couple days I feel like my old self. Hunger for blood wakes back up in my mind and my eyes darken. Now I get the chance to show you what I am made of. Now I will get you, girl on fire, for daring to shatter my vicious nature. Oh you will be sorry.

I don't want Cato to come. I want you to myself only. He's still sleeping, so I sneak out quietly. He asked me to wake him. Not a chance, Cato.

Katniss, you are _mine._

I get there just in time to see the redhead from 5 get her backpack and run off back in the dark forest. Damn her. And then there's you. Finally, Katniss.

I _missed_ you.

I throw a knife and it slashes your dirty forehead beautifully. Cato would be proud. I tackle you to the ground and you put up a good fight, but I got you pinned with my arms and legs and I let you take a good look at one of my friends. It's sharp and shiny. I tell you I want to give them a good show and smile, as I notice fear in those eyes of yours. You're dead, girl on fire. This is how you're going to die. I finally get to end you. For everything you've done. For showing us up. For being better. For being so lucky. For your braveness. For being loved. For being able to love. For making me.. _feel._ You will be sorry.

I tease you about Rue, because I long to hurt you in every way I can. You spit in my face and that sends me over the edge. I sink my knife in your lip, cutting it open, happy to see you bleed. But my happiness doesn't last long. I am thrown off of you and stuck in a tight, bone crushing grip that the boy from 11 holds me in. Thresh is his name, I remember. And I really don't know why it matters to me all of a sudden. Damn you, Katniss.

You watch him yell in my face, asking if I killed little Rue. I didn't. You know I didn't. Why are you quiet? If you're so good and so brave, why don't you say anything? I know that in your eyes I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve to be saved. I know that you are hoping he will kill me. I am just a kid, though, Katniss. I just wasn't as lucky as you. You were better off. I don't want to die. Please, don't let him kill me. Please, say something, Katniss. _Please._

Thresh picks up a big rock and I find myself losing it completely. So this is how it feels to be scared? This is how I made those kids feel before my friends buried themselves in their bodies? This is how humans are supposed to feel, seconds away from dying.?

_Cato._

His name echoes in my head, comforting me a little. I should have woken him. I should have asked him to come. I should have.. said a lot of things.

Did you ever tell someone you cared for them, Katniss? Do you care for Peeta?

The rock is about to crush my skull and not even that dark, vicious side of me can stop the scream from coming out of my mouth?

'Cato!'

Maybe he will come. Maybe he woke up and realized that I went to Cornucopia by myself. Please, Cato..

_Please._

'Clove!'

_Thank you._

I know he's too far. I know he can't save me. And you know that, too, don't you? Do you pity me now too? Do you feel sorry? Do you realize I care for that guy that's sprinting in our direction? And as his voice almost breaks, when he sees Thresh bring the rock down on my head, do you realize now that he cares, too?

I feel no pain. But I know I'm dying. It's taking me away. My pitiful, pathetic life flashes before my eyes and I feel tears roll down my cheeks, because I realize that these sad, dark images are all that my life was. Filled with blood, coldness and my victims' screams. You will enjoy watching your life the way I am now right before you die, won't you? It will make you feel so warm inside. You'll be ready to face death.

And damn you for that, because I feel so cold inside. So empty.

And then his face appears out of nowhere, his eyes glistening with pain, because he knows that it's over. He knows we will not go home together.

Warmth fills my body right up and I realize I am smiling. Is this what you're going to feel when your time runs out? Because if yes, then damn you, Katniss. It feels pretty good. I feel safe and ready now.

'It's okay, little girl.' Cato whispers in a soothing tone 'you're okay.'

He feels now too. And as I look deeply into his eyes, I realize that this side of him has always been there. If only I'd known that before. I would have never volunteered. Damn you, Katniss.

_And thank you._

I really didn't want to die as a monster. I am a different person now. And he is here with me. But not for much longer...

'You're not alone, Princess.' Cato says, choking back tears 'you're not alone, little one.'

I smile again weakly, because that's all I am capable of. I wish I had told him before... I wish I had told him that I'd always cared. Somewhere deep inside, I always had.

One last memory crosses my mind.

Cornucopia. Bloodbath. I throw my first knife at the boy and he collapses on the ground, revealing who he was about to kill.

_It was you, Katniss._

It doesn't matter that I threw another knife at you. It doesn't matter that I almost killed you a few minutes ago. Because Katniss, if it hadn't been for me, you would have died the very first day.

You may be a better person. You may have family and friends. You may win the Games. But there is one thing I am hoping will hunt you forever.

I saved your _damn_ life, Katniss.

You owed me, Girl on fire. I saved your life and so you saved mine, not in the literal way, though. And you didn't mean to, just like I didn't mean to save yours. You saved me from dying as an empty shell, as a killer, as a vicious psychopath. As a girl with no feelings. You owed me this, Katniss. Now I'm gone and you're still breathing.

_Damn you._

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Thanks for reading. :)


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